Vancouver, Canada. Officials from Vancouver General Hospital announced on Friday that they had carried out the world’s first ever successful horse p*nis transplant. The appendage wasn’t attached to an equine beast, though. It was sewn onto a MAN. The 32 year-old was in surgery for a grueling fourteen hours while doctors performed the complex and risky surgery, but it’s been a complete success.

The patient is recovering from the procedure and will need to wait in hospital to see if his new p*nis will ‘take’, but surgeons are confident. This pioneering cosmetic reconstructive surgery was not due to any health problem, though. It was a choice the man made. His motive? ‘to increase excitement’ in his ‘love life’.

“I come from Asian descent, which left my manhood lacking my entire life,” Mr. Phuy Su Ling told local media. “Women don’t take me serious. When we get to the point of intimacy, they always laugh. Well they won’t be laughing anymore will they? I got 18 inches on them now, and it’s as wide as my wrist. Come get it b*tches!”

“I’m not wasting any time,” Said Ling. “And I’m not giving any warnings. I can’t wait to put this bad baby to work. Who’s laughing now b*tches?!”

Doctors had warned the man that using his new-found glory to seek revenge was ethically dubious, but conceded that all they could do was advise Mr. Ling. How he uses his horse c*ck is now down to him.