Bungoma, Kenya. A young man by the name of Gabrielle Simiyu only just escaped with his life after his entire town turned on him and tried to kill him. The townsfolk formed an angry mob and chased him, attempting to capture and lynch him for his crime. Which was? Well, he was caught forcing himself upon a goat. A prize goat owned by a decorated member of the township.

According to his police statement, Simiyu was desperate and only turned to the goat for physical solace because he had been turned down by a girl he liked earlier in the evening. At a funeral of all places. The young Kenyan had to outrun the mob and run to a local police station for amnesty.

Richard Wanyonyi, the goat’s owner, said this about the incident: “I heard the goat’s bleating when I was sleeping and decided to go and find out why. It was dark so I took my time and when I reached there I saw someone jump and go to the cow shed but he forgot his shoes.”

It’s a bizarre story, alright. But, hey – that goat is kinda pretty… (JK!)